It’s that time of year again – the office Christmas party. We do it differently here at Your Local Guardian. We could have the traditional drunken gathering at a local Mexican restaurant – where the office moron will get so far beyond the point of ‘tipsy’ that calling every waiter “Pedro” seems like a good idea. Copious amounts of Tequila and saliva-filled fajitas followed by a dangerous stumble home (with or without your trousers), inevitably resulting in a stunning hangover the next day. Nope, not for us…

Our Christmas party was at the Hilton. We had bucks fizz and a full turkey dinner, with Christmas pudding and mince pies. Prizes were given out throughout the evening, and we were given poker chips to use at the little casino in the foyer. I took Mr.Webmonkey with me and I booked a room in advance so that we didn’t have to worry about the journey home.

It was a very classy event – though some of the outfits were more than a little odd. With a given theme of ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’, some people took it more literally than others. The outfit of choice seemed to be a short black dress that was just slightly too small. I shouldn’t comment though – my dress was more demure than most, but I haven’t seen the photos yet. It wouldn’t be the first time that one of my favourite dresses has been consigned to the back of the wardrobe after one of those pot-bellied-troll photos.

Wine was provided with the dinner, but it was clear that certain people (who shall remain nameless) had decided to start celebrating a little earlier than others. I feel that I should point out at this juncture that - even though I enjoy the company of drunk people - I have never been drunk in my life. I don’t particularly like wine, and I can usually only manage half a glass of white wine before I need something else to take the taste away. Mr.Webmonkey managed four glasses of red wine, but at just over 13 stone it barely made a dent in his constitution. We were tired by 11.00pm and so meandered up to our room to watch a bit of TV and go to bed, feeling rather old – but with our dignity intact.

Of course there were still a few employees who faced a dangerous stumble home.

With or without their trousers.