WAIL-E

I've always suspected that Mr Disney was a bit of a wrong'un – let's look at the evidence:

- Bambi – his mother dies
- Dumbo – he's taken away from his mother
- Cinderella – her mother dies (yeah okay, this one's a classic fairytale - as are some of the other examples)
- Lady and the Tramp – one of the dogs almost dies (in fact the audience is led to believe it)
- Old Yeller – the kid has to shoot his own dog after it gets rabies (seriously?!)
- Pollyanna – she falls out of a tree and gets paralysed
- Greyfriars Bobby – the bloke dies of pneumonia and his dog refuses to leave the grave
- The Three Lives of Thomasina – has a happy ending, but begins with the cat being buried alive when local children believe she has died from tetanus
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarves – her mother is dead, and her stepmother is trying to kill her
- 101 Dalmatians – puppies have to be rescued before they're murdered and turned into a coat (they ARE rescued, of course).

And what about the Disney films made since Walt Disney's death?

- Finding Nemo - his mother dies
- Toy Story - the toys appear to be alive, and are scared of the boy next door who tortures, mutilates and murders toys.

Actually that one is particularly relevant here. It's that classic Disney trait of making the audience care about an anthropomorphised object, then they make it suffer or even kill it. And so it comes back down to WALL-E. He's a robot, but he loves watching films about romance and longs to be loved. He has those big wet-looking Disney-eyes and a kind personality, he collects things, his only friend is a cockroach... He strips spare parts from the dead bodies of his colleagues. Ahhh, sweet. Although it does end nicely, some scenes along the way are a little 'off', to be honest. Maybe the worst thing about this movie was the fear of what would happen. At one stage I was convinced that they'd kill him off, but 'it's okay because he saved the world first'. I really hate those moral lessons they try to shove into kids films – of course in this case it was just me being paranoid.

This does bring me to another point though – the life-lesson. Children shouldn't be completely sheltered from bad things in the world, but do they really benefit from seeing creatures suffering on-screen? Wouldn't they learn this stuff from losing their pets in real life? In fact, Mr Webmonkey and I were so appalled by the heart-rending moments in WALL-E, that we have drafted a list of other films which our own children (when we have some) will not be allowed to see until they are old enough to decide for themselves:

- Turner and Hooch – the dog dies, but it's okay because he lives on in his puppies...
- Short Circuit – looks curiously like WALL-E, but there's more violence and suffering
- Herbie – watch it closely, you'll see what I mean (especially Herbie Goes Bananas)
- Batteries not included – stillborn hubcap-alien baby
- Watership Down – rabbits with myxomatosis
- Animal Farm – a 'nice' pig torn to shreds by dogs (which were trained by an 'evil' pig)
- Cocoon – desolate old people (including one who's sobbing for his dead wife)
- Beethoven – the dog is almost shot through the head

Curiously, we went to see The Dark Knight yesterday, and even though there were more deaths-per-minute than any 12A film I'd ever seen before, it wasn't sad – mainly because they didn't make us care about the characters. In WALL-E of course, we felt an overwhelming sense of empathy for the lonely little robot who just wants to be loved, and it was quite upsetting. Of course, looking around at everyone else roaring with laughter, it was clear that we were the only ones who felt that way...