Working through pain (From Croydon Guardian)

Working through pain

11:21am Wednesday 5th June 2002 in News By Joseph O Shea

Christmas is a trying time for any parent but for Sue and Robert Haddad, the sudden emergence of their eight-year-old son James' life-threatening brain condition meant the festive period in 2001 changed their lives. This week James' mother Sue tells the Guardian about her experiences in coping with James's illness and returning to work.

The horror of being told that their only son was seriously ill was a devastating blow for the Haddads but once the initial trauma subsided, they resolved to piece themselves together and deal with the practicalities of caring for James.

Understandably, James' mother Sue was unable to return to her job in human resources until the family had learned to cope but as the young family's main source of income, she knew she would have to leave James's side and return to work.

Father Robert, meanwhile, had to give up his IT career to focus on James and research possible pioneering treatments.

Though confident that Robert was there for James, it was over three months before Sue was able to make it to work.

She said: "You can't imagine the genuine concern and support my work colleagues showed. You have to prove to yourself, first and foremost, that returning to work was practical and necessary, and soon the routine married reasonably well with the reality of James's condition."

Despite the rigours of a full working day at the office, when Sue arrives home each evening she barely has time to rest.

Robert can do most things domestically but cooking is not one of them.

Sue has the arduous task of feeding James, whose appetite is severely diminished by medication administered daily in 26 tablets.

She said: "There are so many dos and don'ts now when it comes to feeding James. We have had to almost learn another language when considering his new diet."

This regime has meant little or no sweet things for James, which would test the will of any eight-year-old. "James would often go into one when we have to refuse him chocolate spread or ice-cream. He would cry for a while, almost tempting us to give in to his short-term desires.

"But we remind ourselves why this is necessary and the consequences of not adhering to the regime, offering him a healthier alternative instead."

Sister Christine, 15, has had to mature well before her time to support James and noticing how overbearing her parents can be, speaks up for her brother.

The trials of marrying a full-time career with her burning maternal instinct have taken their toll on Sue but she says it is the strength that all mothers show, coupled with the support of the close friends, family and their unswerving faith in God, that is seeing her and the family through this most difficult time.