Liverpool v Everton? Rangers v Celtic? Fenerbahçe v Galatasaray? Forget about those. Tuesday night at Selhurst saw the biggest rivalry of them all - The ‘Mansion shirt sponsorship derby’.

While Palace looked majestic in their kit, reminiscent of Messi and co., Bournemouth turned up looking like an Elton John tribute act on their way to the gym.

Not that they’ll care too much, because they left with three deserved points.

It’s frustrating because we didn’t necessarily play badly as we have done in other defeats against so-called smaller teams, such as Villa and Sunderland.

We simply didn’t create enough chances and squandered any that did come our way, whereas Bournemouth were more clinical when it mattered.

It’s not all bad. At least we’re through to the next round of the cup after a routine victory against Stoke.

It was their second cup exit in a week after a heroic effort against Liverpool Reserves saw them miss out on a cup final at Wembley.

They say that bad luck comes in threes and after their season was effectively ended by two cup exits, how unfortunate for their fans that they have to live out the rest of their lives in Stoke.

We’re lacking a creative number 10 at the moment, and while someone like Shelvey would have been perfect, he isn’t worth the fee that he eventually went for.

If Pardew’s interested, I’d happily fill the role myself.

I’ve got a decent shot on me, an eye for a pass and I wouldn’t even take up a space in the 25-man squad.

I’d be a risky signing considering my ankles are made of glass, but I wouldn’t cost much in terms of wages – all I ask for is some free training kit and for Yohan Cabaye to know my name.

News Shopper:

A lot of fans have been criticising Steve Parish for not spending on deadline day, but if the right player isn’t available for the right price, why spend money for the sake of it?

We haven’t had the best luck with injuries and we’re going through a difficult run of form in the league, but we have the same squad that got us to fifth in the league and I have every faith that those players are capable of turning it around.

Occasionally when coming home from a night out, I’m not hungry and all I want to do is go to bed.

If everyone else is getting burgers and kebabs, it can be tempting to get one myself.

But sometimes it’s better to think “Hang on, why don’t I save myself a bit of cash, nick a few of my mate’s chips and treat myself to a nice fry up in the morning?”

Other teams are spending ridiculous money on unproven players, which may or may not work out, but there’s no use comparing ourselves to them because despite recent results we’re not in a relegation battle.

I’d much rather stick with what we have, with the addition of a low-risk Adebayor gamble, and reassess our options in the summer, than panic and spend £20million on an unknown European striker who may turn out to be worse than what we’ve already got.

News Shopper:

It sounds like a broken record because we’ve been saying that for years, but unlike recent January windows we’re not fighting for survival and there’s always going to be better value in the close season.

I don’t know who’ll still be here in the summer, and who we’ll be interested in signing, but at least it gives us something to debate on the long journey to Swansea on Saturday.

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