by Lawrence Lofts (May 23, 2007)

As I watched the cup final in Croydon with a group of Manchester United, Chelsea and Liverpool fans, my feelings were a mixture of indifference at the worst game ever (congratulations Roman and the boys), and a sense of warmth at supporting the club I do.

The arguments over who supported the biggest club and who had won the best trophies were something I accepted as a schoolboy, but grown men shouting the odds about their adopted teams seemed rather, well, childish.

In offices and pubs that is the norm, with arguments ranging over who will win the quadruple first, rather than will Fulham or Crystal Palace have the worse season.

I don't get as neurotic about the thought of losing Premiership status as some of the Sky moguls would have you believe.

Anyone would think Sheffield United were being disbanded, the way it has been reported over the past week.

What I do get depressed about is losing nigh on every week, with no chance of winning anything, ever.

Even the Intertoto Cup seems like some mythical tale to tell the grandkids about one day.

Instead of shrugging my shoulders and accepting it, I have made a wishlist of things that need changing.

What I want is a more even competition - I want towns full of kids wearing shirts without Rooney and Lampard on the back.

I want someone to spend two god-awful hours with me watching Sutton United on a Tuesday, rather than thrashing me at Pro-Evo.

I want to go into my office in Croydon and taunt Palace fans about their lousy team, not get asked by Surrey Reds if I watched their boys this weekend.

I would even like someone to taunt me about my team, not feel apologetic because their team wins every week.

I would like Liverpool fans to be crying in their beers when we beat them, not pat me on the head and tell me that Fulham are their second team.

I would like Andy Gray to have the last word on us some day.

I would like Richard Keys not to say "Fulham must be looking over their shoulders" just one cursing week.

I would like Jamie Redknapp to utter 10 words without saying "Frankie".

I would like to see a feature on Fulham that doesn't have Moritz Volz in it.

I want Kevin Day to spend 10 minutes at the ground and not talk about the pitch markings.

But want I really, really want, for the 100th year in succession, is Fulham to go out and buy a half-decent centre-half. Have a happy summer.